Focus......

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”- Arnold Schwarzenegger
“The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

FIGURING OUT THE FIFTIES.... SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.......

Thursday 19 November 2009

A bit of colour..

Is back in my life... but its still more water colour than oils...

Trained Biceps/Triceps today.. great workout.. lots of supersets so the arms feel tight and bulgy by the end of it... yum!

Almost finished Assignment number 3 in my course... already becoming a "Hey, did you know???" nuisance to Hubby whose eyes now glaze over when ever my sentences start with that phrase...

ok.... deep breath... honesty time.....

Since the competitions I have struggled daily with my body image... No thats a lie, its more like hourly...

So one month after the comps I now weigh 63kg, which is what I weighed prior to the competition diet... my food is clean 99% of the time.

The only difference between my contest diet and how I eat now is I have added..
1/2 a banana & some blueberries to my eggy oats.
1tlbsp of cottage cheese to each of my morning meals
my other carbs are the same as contest diet
I add 1/2 an avocado between my morning/lunch meals...
I have about 30 almonds with my lunch...
ohhh and my coffees are now double shot skinny flat whites..

Last weekend I had one whole piece of banana loaf (without any butter)as a treat... nothing else...

Yesterday at work the maintenance guys cooked a bbq breakfast so I had 1 sausage 2 pieces of bacon and egg on a thin crust of bread... and didn't eat my morning tea meal to compensate... I had 6 lollies while helping with the lolly bags just before lunch..

I am annoyed that I know I ate 6, I am annoyed that the number is burned in my brain like an evil sign...

I thought I was going to be able to get a tummy tuck after the comps to remove my excess tummy skin, cause at my age it just isn't going to bounce back ever.. but finances don't stretch that far...

Any water or fat I gain sits on my stomach... I loose my abs the day after a comp.. poof they are gone... my legs are still cut, you can still see my shoulder striations... I have a belly I hate.. yes hate, and that is all I see in the mirror...

I am still an easy size 10 and I know that I am not huge.... so why do I feel like I should be peddling on a Satan spawn cycle every hour of the day..

It is our staff Christmas party this Sunday... Mexican theme.. I am going as the Tequila Worm... everyone is excited about the party... I am dreaded it as I will have to eat and drink... all I can think is alcohol is empty calories... Mexican food arghhhhhhhhhh...

I know this is not good, I know I am in a bad thought pattern.... and I thought I needed to be honest and admit that I am not as strong and motivated as some think I am... I get emails telling me I am inspirational.... but lately I feel I am just old and scared... and I really just want to warn others that there are holes in the road out there.... so watch where you are heading... there are beautiful sights to be seen on this journey, but some of the curves are dangerous if taken at high speed... learn to read the signs so the holes don't buckle your front wheel and send you head first into the tarmac!

6 comments:

Dianna Broeren said...

Im tipping you burnt off those 6 lollies during your arm work out and your husband thinks you are a hotty!

Don't lose sight of how inspirational you are :)

KRISTIN said...

Cathy, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling... it's a difficult thing to get used to, seeing the fat come back on after comp, I've been struggling with it too, but just because you are dealing with this, does not mean you are not the same person, you are still an inspiration to so many and you have acheived so much! This is just another obstacle to overcome and I guess part of figure competing. I hope you can work your way through it, because I'm sure it will get easier for you. Each day I'm finding it easier to be more positive and happy about muy body too, so I'm sure you can keep working at it also. Keeping that super lean body year round is just not realistic and we all know that, we just need to accept it as hard as it is. You still have so much to be proud of! Chin up! We are all here for you too and you are allowed to feel crappy sometimes :)

Magda said...

Dear Cathy,

its been 2 years since I competed but the memory of the post comp blues still burns fiercely in my mind. Yes I knew about all the pitfalls and the "you have to put weight back on" etc and I thought I'd be ok because I was aware and prepared. Well nothing could have prepared me for the 2 years of hell that followed with my weight yoyoing like mad but steadily increasing.

Anyways enough about me. Things will level out for you, your body will settle at aweight that you'll initially hate but that is healthy and good for you. I saw a Sports Psyche to help with my destructive thought patterns and actions and it was the BEST few hundred dollars I could have spent.

Cathy you have achieved amazing things and you are an inspiration. Whereas 99.9% of women in your (our) age group are blissfully sliding into overweight or obesity or are happily nestled there already, you have not accepted that poor lifestyle. Grab a notebook and write down all you have achieved, all the obstacles you've overcome and what you love about yourself then reread it daily until thats all that comes to mind when you reflect upon yourself.

We are here to listen and offer support.

Cheers

Magda

Lauren said...

Such beautiful and positive thoughts from all. I agree with them totally. Cathy, just look at those before and after shots that you have on bodybuilding.com and judge for yourself. They are what grabbed my attention and then your gorgeous, kind and honest nature shone through your e-mails to me and have prompted me to head in my current direction. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION, whether you see it at the moment or not!

mq01 said...

agree!!! write it down cath, write it all down. your drive, willpower, honesty, determination, passion, power and command with the written words, these are all just some of the things that we love about you. write it down, people will read it, and they will want to know more...

and ride sister ride!! sometimes those fast swerves can bring smiles ;) xoxo

Raechelle said...

Oh no! You are human after all!!!
don't be so hard on yourself girl..you are allowed to let go once in a while...the key, as you well know-just don't go overboard-keep it in balance. You can have heaps of fun-eat and drink "a bit". Your bod isn't supposed to be 5% fat all of the time-it's just not made to be that way and be healthy.
You'll find your happy spot!