Focus......

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”- Arnold Schwarzenegger
“The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

FIGURING OUT THE FIFTIES.... SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.......

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Dare you..........

Fear is an emotion that seems to be ever ready to pounce...

It is usually standing beside Doubt holding hands and swinging their arms in the negative emotion line up that lurks in my head fighting daily with the positive thoughts and affirmations that get me through my day....

I know I constantly say I wont be "normal". That I will not take the 50 year old Nana path by choice unless I can ride down it on my Harley or dance down it is 6 inch heels...

But some days.... whew.... some days when my back is aching and my head wont turn and I stand and look in the mirror, trying to do the compulsory poses and quarter turns without moving my head or muttering curses when I forget and do move my head... Fear and Doubt are my only friends... Some days I am too old for this game and I fear looking ridiculous and I doubt my condition and I think... how dare you consider yourself good enough to stand on stage....

Does everyone go through this three weeks out from the comps?

I know there is a point a few weeks out where you are "almost" there.. but the worst bits are still glaringly obvious and the great bits have not quiet joined the party, and on a carb free day your muscles go into hiding and on a carb loading day your stomach is bloated....

This is the Dare You mind games that come out to play..... Not many will admit it but most I have spoken with will confess, after the comp, that they had a point where they just wanted to walk away, be normal, toss it.... was this because they thought they would not make the condition they needed... was it that they were about to give in to doubt and fear...

Having this sore neck has certainly given me extra time to consider the problems.... less time to train, more time to contemplate my navel... my stupid navel it is getting way too much attention of late and is now becoming a total drama queen always appearing first in the mirrors to haunt me!!!

I have spent time over the last few days wondering if I dare finish this preparation, do I dare to give up after planning and working for so long, do I dare to carry on with my neck now causing me pain, do I bother to dream of getting as far as Sydney, dare I add more financial burden to our already overflowing plate...

I managed sitting on the spin cycle cardio yesterday morning and walked last night before and after I had acupuncture. The needles were wonderful while they were in but I had a night of pain and nausea last night and although I did sitting down cardio again this morning, posing practice twice so far today and will go back and do more cardio tonight I won't know until tomorrow afternoon when the measurements are taken if this is causing me to peddle backwards towards the competition.... Most of the rest of the time I am catching up on my missing overnight sleep...

Until I see what the results are tomorrow I guess I shall dare to carry on getting ready for this comp....

7 comments:

Frankie said...

Never think you'll look ridiculous! You are fucking awesome Cath xxx Really hope you get some relief from that neck. I know where you're coming from there xxxxx

lastchancetraining said...

What Frankie said :) And injuries suck - part of getting older, partly due to bad luck.

You're the coolest Nana I know - keep on being you :)

mq01 said...

it is always darkest just before dawn my friend. daring to focus and carry on shows where your heart really is, so just keep listening to it, and tell fear and doubt to fuck off. sending more strength and light your way.

ps, word veri; skingd

Sandra said...

The feelings of fear and doubt are around because you are human, Cath. Having said that - you are an amazing human being...age? who cares? Sending you heaps of positive vibes you Gorgeous Tall, Lean Spunky Nanna :)
xoxox

Dianna Broeren said...

One day at a time Cath! Stay strong....you are an amazing woman and role model to your family. I hope I'll be strutting around in those big heels at 50 too - but I'll take a topless Audi instead of a Harley - LOL!

Cheers
Di XX

Michelle said...

Ditto to what everyone has said.

Age ... pfffftttt! Don't they say growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

Witchazel said...

Once again thanx everyone for your support!!! Sorry about the sad saggy day.. slapped myself and now back to as weirdly normal as I get lol

BUT... If I ever catch any of you knitting when you are fifty I will hassle the hell out of you!!! LOL