What will people think.....

I Will be the first to admit I was one of the lucky ones who had a childhood that was totally ordinary...

I will never be able to go to therapy and blame any problems on my childhood and I am eternally grateful to my parents for giving me that security and love which I still receive from them both, even though I am in theory an adult - I like to think that mentally I am pretty much still a big kid..

But... I just have to say, there are things our Mothers say to us which haunt us for all our lives - I have two things from my Mum....

1. "What will people think"...
2. "Darling, you really should try and hold your tummy in" (This was usually accompanied by a small pat on the stomach)

I am trapped with "what will people think" it effects me every hour of every day.

What people think of me is my biggest fear.

People opinions scare me, what if they don't approve, what if they don't "Like" me! I dress certain ways because of this fear, I put on make up every day because of this fear, yes I clean cars with make up on...

And then there is the TUMMY!!!!

No matter what I weigh, no matter what I wear, the first thing I look at in the mirror is my stomach. I can train my shoulders but when I look in the mirror the first place my eyes go to is my stomach!

When I get dressed I never look at myself front on first - I always start off sideways to check that my stomach looks flat!

I now weight 20kg's less than what I weighed on the 2nd of January, I was a 16-18 now fit a size 8! and when I saw my Mum the other day her comment was.......

"Gosh darling you are looking good, shame you are just like me and carry your weight around your tummy isn't it... would you like a scone?"

Mum is 82 - this is my mantra - "it's ok its cause she's 82, it's ok it's cause she's 82, it's ok it's cause she's 82"

I couldn't possibly react to what she says cause if I chucked her off the patio "What would people think..."