Splodge............

SPLODGE........ I just like the way it rolls over your pursed lips... SP..LOD..GE...

No its not a word... come on... I'm not even trying to make it a word.... although.... to me.. if it was going to be a word.. it word be a describing word.. to describe the sound of a clay ball hitting a brick wall at velocity... no wait it would somehow have to be a ball of semi hard oatmeal hitting a glass window... yeah... SPLODGE!

But why Splodge???? well because I am doing my utmost to avoid mentioning that I am struggling... that I am wading through a molasses lake of sadness... that my thoughts are fighting with my goals and the goals have reached the throw-your-hands-up-give-up-and-walk-away stage.... and when I try to avoid working things out my head makes up things... like the aforementioned... splodge...

I am hoping... wishing.... grasping with talon like gnarly fingers to the thought that it is because I am currently doing the lowest carb food thingy.... hell if its not that it is menopause or insanity.... or both... which means I could kill Hubby by shoving lit incense sticks up his nose because he toasted banana bread on a Sunday morning at home and the only way I could come back into the house without crying was to light incense sticks... Then after the incense had burned down and the cops had taken me away I could plead menopausal insanity and get to live in a nice nursing home with catered meals and no ironing for a nice little while... see there is always a silver lining.... even to be a carb deprived insane menopausal 50 year old...

So anyway back to splodge... yes I am avoiding my feelings... hell its 11 weeks to comp and really between cardio, training, and being locked in a windowless box for 8 hours every working day, dusted with a light coating of guilt for missing grandchildren family times... shit if I start taking notice of how I feel I will be a blithering mess in the corner... and really my blog would be incredibly dreary if that happened...

SPLODGE... hmmm now how can I make a ball of oatmeal to just the right consistency without actually eating it first...

Yes I am struggling... I am seriously considering not competing... it is tough being 50 and playing this game... did you know that just because I am 50 my fat% is increased... yep wrinkles must contain extra fat cause if I was 33 with my skin fold measurements I would be 10.9% bodyfat... BUT because I am 50 it is 11.5%.... see wrinkles obviously contain fat... Yes that messes with my head.. go on try and convince me it wouldn't mess with yours...

Anyway lets see what happens on Wednesday and I will let you know, when I know, if I know....