List-less

Like LizN I am a list writer.... I am a planner... and, right at the top of this particular list, I am a dreamer...

So I have spent this first week List-less, I am lost in a forest of choices and I can not see the goals for the sodding trees....

I have been very careful with my backwards bounding, although no where near as amazingly perfect as I thought I was going to be... ha! I wish!

I have managed to stick to the meal plan on nearly every day, but I have also added "extras" on every day. I can boast that I have taken the extras into account with my meals and rather than having rice with my Roo I have had a piece of Mum's date loaf, instead of oats with my egg white omelet I had a slice of toasted banana bread... hmm definitely not perfect... yesterday I spent most of the day with Manda and we had a fabulous day wandering around Caloundra and she introduced me to salt & pepper calamari & salad - yum! then we shared a muffin... yum!

Yesterday was wonderful, ihave missed spending time with her so much, but it has left me with a feeling of being unbalanced and lost. I am totally out of practice with being normal, I felt lost without a timetable to stick to, not having to eat a certain thing at a certain time confused me. Having to choose what to eat baffled me! It has been 5 months since I could choose!

Still I do still enjoy eating what has become normal for me, and I have found the this rebound has been far more subtle, although I have not been on the scales so I don't know what the numbers will tell me, but I DO know you can't gain kilos of fat in a week so if there is a jump in the numbers it will confirm what my back is telling me and that is that I am now rehydrated. Yes back pain has gone completely.

I am still getting up for an hour of cardio every morning. This is also telling me I am rehydrated since I did not sweat at all for the first three days and now I'm back to being sweaty, drippy and soggy by the end of the hour as normal LOL...

This morning I moved off the treadmill and onto the cross trainer.. next week I will slowly gravitate back to the spin cycle, mostly because I am back at work on Thursday and the cardio will have to drop back to 45 mins due to the time restrictions.... I am really enjoying the cardio and I'm in no hurry to drop it, I am also so used to getting up and going to the gym that I don't even think about not doing..

I am training heavy again and also training again with Hubby which is great! I could hardly walk Wednesday with leg DOMS, yesterday my abs burnt every time I coughed or laughed and today my back muscles are reminding me very loudly that I worked them last night.. and I love all this pain! This is what it is all about for me, the building, growing and improvement.

But when I am not at the gym I am lost... I have removed the triffids from the neglected and overgrown garden, I have scrubbed cupboards and floors which have been lucky to get a lick and a promise over the last five months... spent time with Manda yesterday, saw Mum & Dad Monday, even got an hour of sunbathing in today... and I am lost... listless... unfocused.. dreaming and not finding an answer as I really don't know the question... I feel like there is something I must be doing to give me "a reason" I feel I should be helping others somehow... I have sent my feelings out into the universe... I hope the answer returns soon... I know there is one... I just wish I knew the question... the I could start my new list...