Focus......

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”- Arnold Schwarzenegger
“The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

FIGURING OUT THE FIFTIES.... SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.......

Friday, 18 September 2009

Its worth the hard bits..

Choosing this lifestyle is not easy....

But then if I wanted EASY I would still be eating a whole pizza and a large bag of marshmallows every Tuesday night, chocolate bars and muffins would be my snack foods....

And I would still weight at least 83kgs, probably closer to 90kgs by now. and my body fat % would be around 40%......

But I made the decision myself not to do that, I chose to work out every day, do cardio most days, to eat as healthy and low carb as I can and change my life forever...

And now I have a body fat % of 8.3%, I weigh 61.3kg, 56.something kg of which is muscle that you can actually see when I am relaxed... I have man veins in my arms and I love them....

But it is not easy... today it sux....

Today I have eaten exactly what is in my pre-contest diet, I am lucky enough to be full to over flowing, my saggy baggy uniform pants were actually tight around my waist by the time I got home and I am definitely not hungry, so why do I feel so damn sad and deprived...

Why, when I have reached my goals once and I am heading towards my next goal with a purpose, do I feel like having a big wimpy cry about what I am missing out on....

In one months time I will be one night away from the Olympia... One month... 30 days...

I should be focused and primed and practicing my posing...

Instead I am wimpy and sad, and miserable and I want to sabotage my efforts with a ham and cheese toasted sandwich of all things!!!! Bugger the cakes give me straight fat!!! I want melted cheese!!!

I feel like cutting off my hair which is now at that in between nothing length before the extensions go in and it is driving me crazy.. I want to get rid of the boring blond and colour it red and purple and black and gold... I want to go out and get another tattoo big enough to be a half sleeve that looks like black lace, and more piercings I soooooo want more piercings!!!

BUT....

I also want to stay exactly how I am, improving and heading towards my goals, I will get on that stage being the absolute best I can be...

With one breath I feel like my butterfly wings are crushed and trapped in a tight web and with the other breath I can feel them spreading as I work on which competitions I can do next year...

Friday is when I get tired..... Fridays should be a happy day but for me they are always a crappy day cause I am tired....

Today was Hammies and cardio day and I blasted both...

Today was almost Saturday and I just can't wait....

Tomorrow will be a great day, Bicep & Tricep day...no cardio, oh what the hell 30 mins of cardio may just slip in there...

Sunday I will go and watch everyone compete in the INBA Queensland Titles and I know I will see that stage and my heart will flutter and I will smell the tanning lotion and damn it I will love this bloody hard lifestyle so much I will get all teary and sniffle and cheer and clap and yell....

So it will be worth these hard bits.... Just like everything worth having in life is...

4 comments:

Raechelle said...

Now, now honey....I'm sure you actually feel better after that.
At least you know this is just the ups and downs of comp prep. And tomorrow or the next day you'll be on top of the world again!
You are an inspiration girl. Even when you have a down day... :-)
Hope your weekend is pleasant!
xxoo

Kek said...

You're right - it really is worth the hard bits.

Have an awesome weekend.

mq01 said...

sounds like you need to start riding on fridays ;) xoxo! hang in there...

hey, www.leatherup.com, cheap throwover bags... im looking at them too.

Tearose said...

Thanks for the reminder that it really is worth it :) *hugs*
Have a great weekend!