Focus......

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”- Arnold Schwarzenegger
“The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

FIGURING OUT THE FIFTIES.... SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.......

Thursday, 29 July 2010

thoughts of why...

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me want to compete....

What makes me get up at 4.30am when my phone plays this sickeningly happy tune to tell me that even though it is dark and cold I must get up and fumble for my dressing gown and slippers before slopping my way to the freezing toilet seat which upon sitting down certainly helps wake me up!!

Why don't I do what my instincts tell me to do... throw the sodding phone into the nearest hard surface... why do I obey its call...

Why, no matter how tired, hungry, grumpy I am... and, believe me there has been a lot of grumpy lately... I still stand at the kitchen bench and assemble the meals for the next day and for dinner even when my whole being is screaming..."Go buy something, anything, some other food!!! other than what you are about to eat! annnnyyythinnngggg"

Then no matter how much I want to reach into the biscuit barrel at work which I stand next to at least 5 times a day either making a hot drink or heating my meals, or how I really want to go to the coffee shop downstairs, or how much I want to have the sticky date pudding, the banana cocktail, the meal of the month samples that are all waved at me at some time during my day, why do I still just eat what I should, say no when I don't want to...

What drives me to come home after a long day at work where the stress has been like a steal band around my head, to then down a slug of Creatine get changed and head to the gym... I could just sit on the porch with a red wine, I could actually hold a conversation with Hubby that is not snatched between sets and reps... But every night I head out as soon as I get in...

Sometimes I think it is just pure vanity... hell I'm a hot looking 50 year old... even if I do say so myself... LOL But when I stand in front of the mirror I see my physical faults, I don't stand there and think I'm fabulous.. hell if I did that I would be a man... Yes I do look great for my age but I have not reached what my idea of how I want to look... yet...

Do I want to get on stage and win... damn right I do... and I know that the polite thing to say at this point is that I want to be the best I can be and if I win it will be a bonus.. sorry that's the polite politically correct answer and this is my blog so my truthful answer is Damn yes I want to win!! I want to be the best. full stop. The best me. The best for my age group. The Best! damn those 40 year old chicky babes I want to show them that 50 can still be better LOL

If I don't win, well I wasn't the best on that day according to those judges and so be it. After all that's what I would have paid for.. those judges opinion of how I looked on that day. It won't change my opinion of me, it may make me want to work on changing some aspect of my physical appearance so that if and when I get back on that stage I am "better" or a more approved shape/size for those judges... But it won't change how I see me...

So I don't really know what keeps me going... a lot of the time I think it is because I just don't have time to stop doing what I am doing.. I don't have time to decided to go to the coffee shop because my next premade meal is due... I don't have time to not do cardio because if I don't go now I won't fit it in and I will be late for my whole day...

I have a slightly wrinkled, bent, and now fading printed sign on the wall next to my home computer that I saw on an American figure web site and I printed it out the day I decided to go from a fitter me to a competing me and it reads...

"Figure competitions require time, discipline, dedication, strength and will. If you're not committed completed from first to last, you can't succeed"

Ain't that the truth... to be a figure competitor you need to be committed... sometimes I think that wanting to be a figure competitor means you should be committed, or at least put in a soft cell for a few days to think it through...

I also don't think that this applies to just figure competitors.. if you want anything badly enough, commitment, dedication, discipline... this is what is required to reach any goal...

So why do I do it....

No idea... its just how I live... its a total habit... its a lifestyle... if I ever do find out I promise to let you know but right now it is time for my last meal of the night and then I have to get to bed to fit in enough sleep before that sodding alarm wakes me and it all starts again...

mmmmmmmm last meal.... diet jelly and protein powder...
yep that's why I do this hehehehehehe

1 comment:

LizN said...

I know why - it makes the banana bread taste better